i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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