tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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