he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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