Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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