Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
