I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
