I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You are a genius and a whore.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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