Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
