i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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