He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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