I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
porn star boner night. come get it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
