just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
