she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
