The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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