He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
