I cockslap morals
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
