I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
