afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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