Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
