So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
