just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
