meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
