im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
