I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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