Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
