And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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