i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
