Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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