I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
