the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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