bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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