you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
