This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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