at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
