Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
