hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
