apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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