he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
