Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
