his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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