You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
