the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
