My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
