As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
