You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
