So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
