I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
