Capitaan dildo arrescate!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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