their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
