just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
