I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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