i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
