drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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